An abuser went too far and his wife slapped him, so he sought a restraining order. The court said no, her slap was an instinctive reaction to discovering his long-term lying about not having an affair.
In Fischer vs. Fischer, a California case, the wife caught the husband having an affair. He apologized a “million times” telling her it was over and that it had been a short term thing. She forgave him and they tried to work things out, and went to marital therapy. Months later, the wife saw his phone ringing and saw a picture of his mistress. She looked at the phone and saw numerous text messages indicating they not only were still having an affair, but had been doing so for a long time. As she was discovering the depth of his deception, he came into the room, hovered a foot from her face and snatched the phone from her hand. When he demanded to know what she was doing, she swore at him and slapped him.
The husband took the offensive and filed for protection order seeking the court’s protection from his abusive wife, and intense custody litigation ensued. At trial, the judge found that the wife’s actions were not an intentional assault, rather an instinctive, in the heat of the moment act, and refused to grant the husband’s request for a restraining order, and also refused to grant the husband’s request that the wife undergo a parenting fitness evaluation. The husband appealed and lost again.
When the wife initially caught him having an affair, he took the initiative then too, filing for divorce. But as is often the case, she begged him not to leave and they reconciled.
Of course there was more to the story, as is usually the situation in these types of cases. The wife provided evidence of a pattern of coercive control by the husband. He was much larger than her, and he constantly got angry and pushed her, spat on her, threw water on her, grabbed her and moved her around, and tossed her across the bed.
DV and patterns of coercive control are driven by a person’s fundamental way of solving all problems with coercive behaviors. Aggressive tactics in litigation can be an indicator confirming a person’s use of coercive control. In this case, the husband took the unusual step of filing an appeal. He had requested a five-year restraining order based on the one incident of the wife slapping him. Both the trial court and the court of appeals saw through his aggression and denied his requests.
Washington’s law is similar. At a domestic violence protection order hearing, the court “may” grant an order, or not. Also, an assault must be an intentional act.
The full opinion from the appellate court can be accessed here.