“I Was Naive in Thinking: ‘I Divorced This Man, He Is Out of My Life’.” That is the title of a study which identified 9 different ways a spouse might continue to control the other spouse after divorce.
The most common themes to emerge from the narratives were, in order of prevalence, as follows:
- Using the Children;
- Using Threats, Harassment, and Intimidation;
- Emotional Abuse;
- Economic Abuse;
- “Stuff to Try to Hurt Me”;
- Disrupting Her Relationships With the Children;
- Using the System; and
- Physical Violence.
The findings are not surprising to professionals who work with victims of domestic violence (coercive control).
The study found that “many women” simply give up everything just to get out. For some people, men and women, “walking away” is a reasonable option, and even a best option in some cases. For people ready to stand up for themselves, and who are not willing to simply walk away, obtaining help in court is possible if the judge is aware of the nature and persistence of coercive control. For people thinking about standing up for themselves, help can be obtained from any domestic violence agency, mental health professionals, and informed lawyers. Religious leaders, teachers, coaches, employers, friends, may or may not have awareness of the persistent dynamics of domestic violence.
“I Was Naive in Thinking, ‘I Divorced This Man, He Is Out of My Life’”: A Qualitative Exploration of Post-Separation Power and Control Tactics Experienced by Women
Michelle L. Toews, Autumn M. Bermea
Journal of Interpersonal Violence, Vol 32, Issue 14, 2017
First Published June 18, 2015
Abstract
The purpose of this study was to explore women’s perceptions of the
power and control tactics used by their former husbands post-separation.
A total of 22 in-depth interviews with divorced mothers who reported
male-initiated partner abuse (psychological and/or physical) during
and/or after their marriages were analyzed. The most common themes to
emerge from the narratives were, in order of prevalence, as follows:
Using the Children; Using Threats, Harassment, and Intimidation;
Emotional Abuse; Economic Abuse; “Stuff to Try to Hurt Me”; Disrupting
Her Relationships With the Children; Using the System; and Physical
Violence. We also found that the violent and coercive behaviors men used
during the marriage continued to influence the women’s perceptions of
the power and control their former husbands had over them
post-separation. As a result, many of the women described how they gave
up everything just to get out of their abusive marriages.