The Process of Primary Desistance From Intimate Partner Violence suggests three things people can do to reduce domestic violence behaviors and the thinking patterns that drive the behaviors. To reduce coercive control behaviors, people and remove external stressors, promote stability in their life, and develop a supportive environment.

In my view, from a psychological, developmental, and attachment perspective, one of the main challenges is discovering what the “external” stressors are, because they likely involve internal stressors related to their experience as a child. It is not easy to discover and address the deeply seated stressors. Obvious stressors include financial issues, unclear communication patterns, poor sleep, etc. Less obvious stressors are subjectively perceived dangers.

Common dangers for people who tend to engage in coercively controlling behavior, and which drive internal stress and external behavior include:

• Abandonment, and being alone,
• Not being in conflict,
• Not being true to one’s own feelings, even if in conflict with other people’s desires,
• Not attending to relationships, letting important people not attend to oneself,
• Believing that others will do as they say,
• Ambiguous reactions by others,
• Compromise, and
• Delaying gratification

From an attachment perspective, it would likely also be necessary for the person to develop understandings of what constitutes danger to them, and new strategies for how they respond to perceived danger. What these changes might look like will be different in any individual case. Absent such fundamental changes, concern should remain about the likelihood of significant changes in coercive control behavior and the underlying thinking patterns.

The Process of Primary Desistance From Intimate Partner Violence Kate Walker, Erica Bowen, Sarah Brown
Violence Against Women, First Published August 15, 2017 Research Article Abstract
This study examined the interaction between structure and agency for individuals in the first or early phase of primary desistance (1 year offending free) from intimate partner violence (IPV). Narrative accounts of perpetrators, survivors, and IPV program facilitators were analyzed using Thematic Analysis. Changes in the self and the contexts, structures, and conditions were necessary to promote desistance. Perpetrators made behavioral and cognitive changes taking on different identities (agentic role) by removing external stressors and instability within the confines of a supportive environment (structural role). Findings provide a theoretical framework of desistance from IPV that integrates social processes and subjective change.

Copyright Mark Baumann, 2019